Redefining Perfect

In case you missed the news-flash…I was in Buffalo for six days with my kids – and no hubby.  Gro-gram (my grandmother) kindly housed us at her place.  She had two spare sleeping places – the couch (with a pull-out bed, but who needs that?), and the spare room fully equipped with a full size bed.

Brandon had the luxury of sleeping on the couch.  The two girls and I got the spare room with the full size bed.  Two toddlers, one of whom still normally sleeps in a crib…and me.  It ended up sort of like this:

 

Riley…she was Stretch McGee…lying flat on her back on one of the pillows, long limbs flailed about the bed like she owned it…snoring away (such a sweet snore).

Angel was Snuggle Bug.  She’d curl up her tiny little body next to Riley as they slept…and every morning I’d wake to find her twisted in the bed, snuggled against me.

I was left to cope with the remaining little bit of free space.  The girls had taken the pillows, so I absconded with one of the little square pillows from the couch w/o much stuffing.  One foot hanging off the end of the bed, sometimes both.  I got kicked by Riley a few times…I swear the child is only 40″ long…but you put her in bed and she stretches out to twice that size. 

Needless to say I didn’t get much sleep…but amazingly the sleep I did get was rather sound…especially in the morning when Angel would curl up against me…her little head tucked under my chin…and for an hour while we slept like that…nothing was uncomfortable about that bed.

I spent (approximately) $200 in gas and travelled over 1,000 miles to teach my 10 year old a science lesson.

What science lesson is that, you ask?

Why, the meaning of “Lake Effect.” 

On our way TO Buffalo, a band of very low-lying clouds hovered in a perfect arc around the edge of the lake…disappearing into brilliant blue skies just a few miles off.  I pointed them out and explained to Brandon the meaning of ‘Lake-effect’ and how he’d hear PLENTY of that phrase when we were in Buffalo…and how it ties into tales of snow and storms.

On our way HOME from Buffalo he got to see the proof of my lesson first hand.  From the minute we hit Pennsylvania until about 10 minutes outside of Cleveland we drove through variable levels of a snowstorm.  From a mix of rain and snow, to flurries, to a windy-snowy mess. 

I suppose it was worth the science lesson since he missed three days of school to go on the trip

Five years of Christmas together under our belt.  The first year was good – big, lots of presents for all.  After that our money troubles really started to form.  Two jobs still didn’t allot too much for Christmas.  It went down to buying for Brandon, and being happy with that.  When Riley and then Angel were born, we satisfied ourselves with a few small presents for them since they wouldn’t remember and attempting to make Brandon’s Christmas’s big. 

Last year we managed to pull together the money for a big Christmas.  Piles of presents under the tree, wrapping paper everywhere.  Then getting together with teh family and MORE presents there.

This year we could do that again if we wanted to.  We could spend hundreds of dollars and put piles of presents under the tree – toys that would be destroyed by el-distructo (Angel), toys that would be ignored and forgotten like every other toy in the house.  Boxes of clothes that would get an “oh” from Brandon and thrown aside.

But we’ve talked about it…and we don’t want to do it.  We’re going to let Brandon know that our plan for the holiday this year is this:

1. The kids will each get one ‘big’ gift this year.  For the girls it will be something smaller, for Brandon it will be one big gift.  He can give us some options and we’ll figure it out.

2. Brandon will pick a charity and we’ll donate $50-100 (we haven’t set the amt yet) to that charity in his name.

3. Handmade gifts will be encouraged…even if it’s something silly.

4. Archie and I will get gifts for each other this year – but we’ll have a spending limit of $20 and it should be meaningful.

5.  We will find something charitable to do for the family.

It just suddenly hit me the other day that just because we HAVE the money doesn’t mean we need to SPEND it…not on a bunch of stuff that will go by the wayside or get torn up.  If we put some of our money and time to things and people that need it we’d appreciate it more in the end. 

Now I just have to get some motivation inside of me to have the patience to sit down with the kids and do crafts with Christmas in mind…and use THOSE to decorate my house instead of spending tons of money on decorations from the store.

My first Thursday Thirteen in some time.  I decided since I’m out of town I’ll list thirteen of the things I’ll be doing EATING…while I’m in Buffalo. (and asking my BFF to add my site to the TT list)

1.  Beef on ‘Wick from Anderson’s (at that EXACT Anderson’s in that picture…it still stands, though slightly remodeled)

2.  Vanilla soft serve w/ rainbow sprinkles from Anderson’s.

3.  A hot dog from Ted’s Hot Dogs (where they serve Sahlen’s…YUM)

4.  French Fries w/ Vinegar (probably at Ted’s)

5. Sponge Candy from Watson’s

6.  Placek from Pumpernick ‘N Pastry

7.  Capicola sub from Mike’s

8.  Bison French Onion Dip

9.  Aunt Rosie’s Loganberry

10. REAL Buffalo Wings from Duff’s

11. Margherita Pepperoni

12. Bison Cottage Cheese

13. Good bagels

To BUFFALO!

Today at approximate 9AM all my kids and I will be packed into the Explorer and heading out East. 

Yes.  That’s me. Three kids. No husband.

Insane?  Possibly.  Excited?  A little bit (okay, a LOT). 

The drive will be tough, but I’m taking my time – and my camera.  I’m going to let the kids get out and run.  I’m not putting a time limit on this drive…”We made it in EIGHT hours!” will not ring through my grandmother’s house.  I’m hoping this will help their, and my, sanity.

We will have competing sounds as the girls watch hour upon hour of Dora on our (new – the old one broke right before the trip, of course *pout*) portable DVD player…while I listen to show tunes and Brandon plays DS…ALL.DAY.LONG. 

We will stop for puke-donald’s.  We will stop for potty breaks. 

And we will get to my Grandmother’s.

I haven’t been HOME in two+ years.  The last time we went, Angel was 2 months old, and Molly took her first steps at the park across the street from my grandmother’s.  My niece is turning 5 while we’re there, and we get to go to her party. 

I will go shopping for real food (Sahlen’s hot dogs, Webers mustard, REAL salt&vinegar chips, Loganberry,  placek and sponge candy).  I will have Anderson’s custard & Beef on ‘Wick.  I will eat my grandmother’s goulash (should i say yum? not feeling that one), and listen to her rant on every topic imaginable.

Archie isn’t coming…the one sad note about the trip.  I wish he could come and see my family again.  Celebrate my niece’s birthday with us.  I’m sure I will talk to him often, but only as often as work and life allow.

I will probably start experiencing computer withdrawals tomorrow.  Today I’m driving, and distracted by kids.  Tomorrow will be fun and exciting for a few hours, but as a work day for most of my family it will be quiet for us.  By 11AM I’m likely to be texting Jess left and right…but I will survive without a computer somehow.

I’ve preset posts for the weekend, because I won’t be home until Monday night.  I’ll take time to edit pictures, but I’ll post an update at the very least on Tuesday. 

Keep me in your thoughts today, though…as I drive 526 miles with 3 kids and just one little scrap of sanity to begin with.

The past few days have been a whirlwind of activity.  I leave in two days for Buffalo…so we’ve been a little swamped…

~ I’ve shopped ’til I dropped – TWICE – at the resale shop.  Making sure the kids drawers were full…and we’d have enough cute clothes to take w/ us to NY.

~ Along with one of those shopping trips we went out to eat.

~ I’ve been doing laundry – also to be sure we had enough cute clothes to take w/ us

~ I’ve been doing cleaning so Archie has a halfway decent home when we leave.

~ I’ve been doing laundry – wait, did I say that already?  Yeah, well, it’s taking over my life, it might as well take over my post.

~ I’ve been pre-writing posts for my absence.  I may actually post more when I’m gone than when I’m actually here – scary.

~ Oh, and we’ve done a little of this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

~ And have I mentioned that I’ve also been doing laundry?!  Yeah…THAT much. Family of 5, you know…some of whom really need to start wearing clothes more than once before they end up in the laundry.

~ Getting as much chat and play time in w/ my best bud Jess as I possibly can before I leave to the land of no computer (I can feel my withdrawals starting already)

For the past two months one of our neighbors has been taking Brandon to Wednesday night church with her kids.  We don’t attend church and I have my own beliefs, but I believe my kids should make their own choices with religion, so I don’t mind him going. 

Two weeks ago I was driving into my neighborhood and I saw this family across the street from their house in the large church yard.  It’s a common sight.  The family goes over and plays football or baseball, or plays basketball in the street.  Any neighborhood child that comes along is welcome to join.

The mother is ill with MS and cannot work or play with them as much, but she is always outside sitting down in a chair, blanket on her lap in the cold, watching and cheering them on.

As I drove past them two weeks ago playing ball in the church yard I remember clearly thinking, ‘What a wonderful family.  They are always out doing that.’  They have always been nice to Brandon, and while kids will be kids (and therefore sometimes be not-so-nice) – the kids have been nice to Brandon, too. 

Like all families they’ve had their struggles and problems, but watching them play ball in the yard you could see that things were good. 

Last night their father was killed five miles from our homes.  He was driving home from work when a guy (with a .21 blood alcohol level) raced through the intersection he was crossing and all but demolished his car.  He died in the helicopter on the way to the hospital. 

The word was passed quietly from neighbor to neighbor last night, and I was faced with telling Brandon.  In typical Brandon-style (so like my own) at first he was fine, calm even.  I knew it wasn’t sinking in, he wasn’t getting it.  But when he came out a short while later, the tears were quick to fall.  This man had been nice to him, was the father of his friends. 

I’m still trying to figure out how to help Brandon deal with it.  I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with it, myself.  I wasn’t close with these people, but they were our neighbors and they were good to our kid.  She still has children to care for, and her own illness to deal with.  I’m certain that our friends and neighbors will get together and figure out a way to help out…but right now I’m just stunned…

And left realizing again that every moment is precious and to treasure it.

Sorry for being MIA the past couple of days.  I was working my arse off to complete a group of purses for a mom in my playgroup.  Today I come back, not with a continuation of the story of Riley…but what happens to be strong on my mind tonight…the land of Angel.

***

My Nana was a hypochondriac.  She had 5 doctors that knew nothing about each other, that each perscribed her different medications.  It killed her in the end, though her official death was listed as a heart attack.  When I was younger and frequently getting sick my father said to em in a fit of annoyance, “You keep this up you’re going to end up like your grandmother – a hypochondriac.”

It was one of those moments that stick with you – and become your greatest fears.  I never take pills/medicine because of this (and my extreme difficulty in swallowing them), I hardly EVER go to the doctor because of it.  It has always taken me a lot to take my kids to the doctor.

Then the girls came along and I learned to be an advocate for them.  I brought up all of my concerns with the doctor’s.  I found a doctor that listened, that understood the challenges, and it bolstered my need to advocate for my girls.  In the back of my head was always the concern that I’d gone one too many times to the ped with a concern.  That she’d think I was Munchausen or something, but she was always understanding and took my concerns seriously.

But then it happened.  The LOOK.  At Angel’s 2 year checkup I brought up her extreme temper again (I had three months prior), and my beloved pediatrician gave me…The LOOK.  It was full of doubt and the ‘you’re nuts’ factor as she said, “Are you sure it’s not just her being a two year old?”

My faith in my knowledge as a mother was shattered.  The fear that I’d tucked safely away came rushing back with a vengeance.  I once again fear mentioning anything to the doctor.

First, I want to get a second opinion on Angel from an orthopaedist.  I was seriously uncomfortable with what the last one had to say, and the problem is not ‘correcting itself’ as he’d suggested.  Watching her day to day increases my concern.  But I can’t pick up that phone.  Daily I think that I’ll call, I’ll get that appointment with a new ortho…but I can’t dial the number.

Second, I want to bring up a possible cause that I’d passed over briefly before and dismissed…but then Archie brought to me tonight.   It is not a happy diagnosis, and one that would likely be disqualified…but it’s a valid question…but I fear mentioning it to anyone on the medical profession.  Fear that they would look at me as a person with far too much google-time.

I hate feeling like this.  Like I need to be asking, but frozen with fear and self-doubt.  Knowing, deep in my heart, that there is something more.  Something else that explains everything…something THEY are missing.

 

He was the first to ask US on a date.  He included my beautiful three year old on our first date.  He thought of us before he thought of me.  He took us to an appropriate kid-friendly place.  He talked to Brandon, he made Brandon laugh.  And when dinner was over, Brandon looked at Archie and said, “Are you coming home to see Mimi and Papa?”  The deal was sealed…he was special.

I held back, afraid to give up my heart.  I couldn’t tell him I loved him…I was terrified of my past repeating itself.  But once I was able to make that step, everything fell into place.  Engaged and a wedding date planned before we’d hit the six month point.  A fall wedding, as I’d dreamed.

There wasn’t a doubt…WE would be married.  Not just Archie, and I…but Brandon, too.  He asked Brandon permission to marry me, and he had Brandon give me the ring – sending my mother into a fit of tears.  The ceremony would involve Brandon, and we’d be announced as a family.

 

And so we were.  Our small family embarking on new territory.  Making a path none of us was too sure how to follow.   But we trudged ahead and forged it together.

The first year was tough as I pursued roles in Community Theatre as well as marriage and mommy-hood.  But from there, community theatre was put on hold to focus on family.

We’ve had our struggles…financially, and emotionally.  But we’re now at six years and stronger than ever. 

He’s the one that’s supported me, no matter what my dream or desire.  He believes in me when I’m not so sure I believe in myself.  He tells me daily that I’m beautiful, or a good wife, or both.  He is proud of me as his wife, and as a mother. 

So Archie, thank you for six years of wedded bliss (and miss)…our struggles made us stronger…and your love makes me better.

Yesterday we covered Riley’s relatively normal pregnancy and childbirth.  As I said then; for the first three months everything went smooth – except that she had to sleep propped up in her carseat.  She would not sleep lying down at all.  Ever.

At three months old, I went back to work.  I took a part time evening job waitressing at Bob Evans.  The first week of work, things got crazy at home.  I would leave and Riley would scream all night until almost 10PM.  This was beyond colic, this was intense, pained screaming.  Archie blamed it on my return to work the first couple of nights…but then he told me something was wrong.

Archie’s instincts have a way of being right.  So, when I had to leave work early (in my first week) to come home because she was so horribly bad off, we determined that we’d call the pediatrician.  We were told that if it didn’t improve to make a sick appointment in the morning (it was a Saturday). 

The next morning we called and made the sick appointment, not wanting to wait until Monday.  We took her in and learned that she’d flatlined in her weight gain.  In the month since her previous appointment she’d only gained about 3oz. 

Listening to our descriptions of what was happening the ped suggested that it was likely GERD (reflux), and perscribed Zantac.  He told us to try giving her some formula after breastfeeding  to weigh down what she was eating (a directive I regret following…but that’s another story).  Then he scheduled some tests for us to get a confirmation of the diagnosis.

The next week we were at the children’s hospital with her in the X-ray department having a fluoroscopy performed.  I was standing there watching as she swallowed the barium right up.  I watched it go down, and stared in shock when it shot back up VERY quick, stopping at her throat before going back down and shooting back up again.

Our diagnosis of silent reflux confirmed, we followed another of the doctor’s directives that I regret….adding cereal to the formula we gave her. 

Over the next few weeks she went in for weight checks constantly, but her weight gain didn’t rebound.  So, under my (supposedly) BF supportive docs suggestion I pumped and switched exclusively to formula w/ cereal added.  He said that we would get back to BFing once her weight came back on an even keel.

But the weight never came back, and neither did the breast feeding.  Despite the treatments for GERD working in other ways (she would lay down to sleep, the screaming stopped)…her weight couldn’t seem to come back where it was supposed to be.

Eventually it got to the point where her weight was in the -25%.  She was at least a pound beneath the lowest line on the growth charts, and we had no idea what to do about it, where to go next.   She was one year old and weighed 15lbs to her 29inches.  She was a beanpole – skin and bones. Her hair was thin and practically non-existent.

It was around this time that we ended up switching pediatricians for many reasons.  With the new pediatrician came a new look into the weight issues Riley was having.  A pair of fresh eyes that would help us try to find an answer.

In came Dr. S.  She has been our joy, our savior, and just the best damn pediatrician ever.  She started the two year search for answers…

*******

I’ll continue on Monday with the first stage of our search…from bloodwork, to the specialist and our introduction to Early Intervention!