Redefining Perfect

Last Thursday Riley came home from school.  As usual we took off her little backpack and opened it up to see what she had brought home and read her report.  Inside was a little craft they had done at school.  This is what she brought:

 

It’s simple and pretty, and I have no idea what it is.  No explanation existed in her daily report.  So I told Riley it was beautiful, and then asked “What is it, Riley?”

Riley turns to me with big, serious eyes, and a wide smile and says, “It’s PAPER!”

Yes, Riley…It certainly is!

Did you know…

~ That having truncal hypotonia and a daredevil are a VERY bad combination?

~ The the above mentioned combination can lead to a face plant from the height of the back of a couch resulting in an unexpected $60 trip to the dentist for X-rays?

~ That a fasting glucose level of 160 is BAD?

~ That such a fasting glucose level can cause grown men to be diagnosed with diabetes?

~ That being diagnosed with high cholesterol AND diabetes in the same week can lead to an ultra-restrictive and ultra SUCKY diet?

~ That mastering such a diet is TOUGH? 

~ And have I mentioned that it SUCKS?

~ That I have soooo many things that occurred during blog closing/deletion that I can’t seem to compose one REAL post out of the mess?

~ That this is a thinly disguised bullet list?

~ That Riley has become an abusive big sister that likes to hit her sister on regular occassions?

~ That Brandon has started going to Wednesday night bible school…with the neighbors…NOT us…and that I (as a non-christian) am not sure how to feel about that?

~ That I feel hypocritical for saying that because I believe that my children should be able to make their own choices in life and religion?

~ That sometimes not even the internet can help you locate an old friend?

~ That I am TOTALLY obsessed with True Blood (and the Sookie Stackhouse book series)?!

~ That I was SO obsessed with it, that I switched to DirecTV because it was the cheapest way to get HBO?

~ That I was SOOO obsessed with the books that I got Archie reading them?

~ That having a book discussion with a spouse of the opposite sex (which mine happens to be) brings about points (and viewpoints) that you seriously never considered, and might not understand?

~ That I could go on for another fifty points, but I don’t want to annoy you so soon back into re-posting?

Angel has anger issues.  We’ve discussed this in the past (in a deleted post, sorry folks, they ain’t every comin’ back…I really wiped them clean).  We met with the Behavioral Psych a couple of months ago and it was determined that she needed services.

Then it stopped.

Okay, it didn’t STOP…but it slowed significantly.  Suddenly it wasn’t daily that we had a horrible shrieking, ear splitting, head banging, body throwing fit.  It was every few days…one time we went almost a full week. 

Our first appointment with the psych was about a week and a half ago.  I had to say, it had calmed down…I was being honest.  There were still plenty of issues to deal with (no sense of danger, mixed with daredevil stunts – another post on this soon), so we kept on as we had been.  We planned for our next appointment.

And the she-devil returned…in full force.

Since that appointment naptime has been a joke.  I put her down and she’s fine for twenty minutes and it becomes the seventh circle of Hell in the girls bedroom.  With no catalyst, she starts shrieking and throwing herself around the crib, literally throwing herself into the bars.  She beats on the wall, she tears up her bed (literally), she throws all of her bedding out.  For at least fifteen to thirty minutes straight this happens. 

Then she comes out of naptime and it’s a crapshoot.  Some nights she’s jsut the sweetest angel you ever did see.  The others – nothing makes her happy.  Now, granted, Riley has taken to picking on her and hitting her – which certainly does NOTHING to help matters. 

There are days when after nap time it’s an hour and a half of screaming…then Daddy walks inthe door and the angel magically appears and I just look crazy.

There are days when she’s perfectly good all day long, and then Daddy walks in the door and BOTH girls descend into madness.  Like the stimulation of Daddy being home is the straw that breaks the camels back.

The next appointment for psych had to be cancelled (due to a full house of sickies), and has yet to actually be rescheduled because the psych never called me back the next day. 

I’m at my wits end.  I don’t know what to do with her when she descends into madness.  I watch in terror as she flings herself into very hard surfaces without a care to possible injury.  I need the psych to return and give me tips on what to do when she’s like that.  I hate seeing my baby like this.

Hi all!  Did you miss me?  Just a little?  I’m here to let you know that we are alive, everyone is (currently) healthy (except for the horrific cold Riley passed to me).  The monster still paces outside our door, but we live on. 

I wish I could give you a better explanation of what is happening and why I felt compelled to delete a years worth of posts totalling over 400 posts about me, my family, and our struggles.  Unfortunately the nature of the situation drives me to protect my kids with a fiercer tenacity than I have in the past year. 

For now  I have decided to stop fearing every step of this journey.  I’ve decided to face my fears and force myself to look forward with hope.  I have to take a positive spin on life again, or I’ll end up making myself sick.

I have decided to resume posting again, but I will be more cautious, more particular with what I post…and for a while, at least, the pictures of my adorable babies will not appear.  It will take me a few weeks to regain my bearings with the blog and it’s renewal from scratch.  The future of the blog must be rebuilt…and the future of me and my family must be faced. 

I will post again on Monday with updates on how the kids are doing, and Archie and myself.  Right now I need to get to work cleaning up.  DirecTV comes tomorrow to install our dish and DVR…I’ll be getting HBO so I can watch the new show True Blood whenevers I want

Yesterday if anyone passed through here they likely got a blank screen, or very little on it.  In a panic of situation, I deleted everything.  My blog, my database.  400+ posts are gone in a blink, and they will never come back. 

Due to personal issues that I cannot (and will not) divulge at this time, I’m sticking with the decision to close down the blog for a while.  I’ll keep this post up for a couple of weeks so that those that care can know what happened. 

Something very big and very ugly is occurring in the realm of real life.  It hasn’t happened in the extreme measure it could, but I feel the monster pacing outside our door, waiting to destroy everything.  Considering the risks to my family, I’ve removed all posts and will keep this blog closed until the situation has cleared up and I know my family is safe again.

I’m sorry, and I hope to continue visiting your blogs.  This was unplanned and very much unhoped for, but it is necessary to my peace of mind.

If you wish to contact me, you can contact me at sadiecass(at)gmail(dot)com