Riley started school a little over three weeks ago.

She’s 5 years old.

She’s intelligent beyond belief. Possibly even brilliant.

Socially…emotionally…well, let’s just say she’s not near as ready.

I didn’t think she was ready. Not for a classroom full of crazy kids (not that they’re insane, they’re…well, for lack of a better term…they’re normal). Not to be expected to be that same normal.

I admit to a bit a bias. Our first attempt at school was not successful. It was developmental preschool, specifically for special needs. Riley lost learning. Her behavior at home became erratic and violent. She was withdrawn before Christmas.

Now she had to go to ‘normal’ every day kindergarten…with neurotypical kids.

I wanted her evaluated first.

School said no dice – she has to be in for 6 weeks so we can see how much is normal reaction/adjustment to being in school.

It went against what my gut said – but after much debate and discussion with Archie (who believed just as strongly that she had to go into school), Riley was enrolled. Literally the day before the first day of school she was enrolled & given a teacher whom we met that very night.

We ‘warned’ her teacher, explained how Molly was. How they wouldn’t evaluate her and just gave her a heads up on what she might expect.

The next day school began.

The roller coaster ride took off so fast I couldn’t catch my breath.

Excitement. Anger. Glee. Stress. Happiness. Stubborn refusal to attend.  Joy off the bus. “I don’t want to go to school.”  “I had much fun at school.” “I miss you Mom.” More stress. Increasingly erratic behavior at home.

Every day is a struggle to get her to school. She doesn’t want to go.

Then off the bus it’s happy and chatty.

Within an hour I’m fending off the hounds of hell. Trying to keep calm.

Suddenly Riley’s aversion to loud noises is back with a bang. At school the teacher has given her leave to put herself in time-out with her own personal basket of Sensory Diversionary toys when things get ‘too loud’ or ‘too crazy’ for her.

Then we get a letter from school, informing us that they are recommending Speech Therapy for her. That (surprise of surprises) she qualifies!

Well, DUH.

The more I thought about it, the more annoyed I got.

I could have told them that.  If they’d evaluated her BEFORE school, all of that would be known.  I don’t NEED her to be forced into ‘normal’ behavior for six weeks to tell you how she’ll react and what she needs.  Don’t make me wait (at least) 6 weeks to get her what she needs. To make her teacher fumble around for (at least) 6 weeks to try to figure it out. Don’t make an innocent child suffer for 6 weeks for something I could tell you NOW. TODAY.

It’s all rotten.

And I still hate it. My gut still tells me to get her the hell out of Dodge until she’s ready.

Before my eyes she’s unraveling again. The balance we achieved has been thrown off. I don’t know if we’ll ever find it again…whether she stays in or gets out…the balance has been shifted forever.

We’re still in the middle of this process.  Decisions are being made and changed, and we’re trying to find even ground again.

If there is such a thing anymore.

Yesterday the girls and I found a friendly little visitor on our driveway.  So we kept him for a while before releasing him back into the wild.  May I introduce “Wormy”:

He was great to have around.  The girls adored him and still ask about him this morning!!

Of course that just means I have the song in my head…

Inchworm, inchworm, measuring the marigolds. You and your arithmetic you’ll probably go far. Inchworm, inchworm, measuring the marigold. Seems to me you’d stop and see how beautiful they are.

(P.S. I love this time of year.  I’m coming out of my funk, writing tons, and playing w/my girls.  Of course, my house continues to suffer, more so since we like to get OUT!!)

(P.P.S. All pictures taken w/ Canon Rebel XTi. SOC.)

Homeschooling.

When Brandon was very young I heard of homeschooling and was so intrigued by the idea.  At the time I was a single mother and never imagined it was possible. 

Archie and I married shortly before Brandon started elementary school and I was working full-time.  Homeschooling seemed still something that wasn’t possible.  We needed the two incomes, we thought…and so it was only mentioned in passing by me. 

There was also the fact that I have little good self-discipline.  So often in the past I’ve not followed through on things.  Even Archie said to me just a few weeks ago that he didn’t think I had the discipline and I agreed with him whole-heartedly.

Then I got the thought under my skin.  I’ve been researching…I joined a state-wide homeschooling group.  I made the decision based on situations to pull Riley out – and because she’d be ticked if Angel kept going, decided to pull Angel out as well.

The wheels are in motion for those two – and we are in discussions of pulling out Brandon as well.  Those discussions are more intense, with more variables affecting our feelings and imaginings of the outcome.

But just in that time, during a week full of snow days, a change has come over our family.  We are spending more time together.  We are getting along better.  Brandon is talking to us a little more.  Riley is not beating up Angel as much, and her mood is vastly improved. 

It’s still scary and sometimes overwhelming to think about.  But I’ve made some choices about what we’ll do about curriculum, and found some great field trip places and ideas that cater directly to homeschoolers.

Riley’s last day of preschool will be Friday.  Angel’s will be next Thursday.  No matter what our choice, Brandon will finish out the school year.

Wish us luck as we figure out this new aspect of our lives…it’s going to be exciting, scary, fulfilling and overwhelming…a learning process for us all.