Redefining Perfect

In the morning when you rise
I bless the sun, I bless the skies
I bless your lips, I bless your eyes
My blessing goes with you

In the nighttime when you sleep
Oh I bless you while a watch I keep
As you lie in slumber deep
My blessing goes with you

This is my prayer for you
There for you, ever true
Each, every day for you
In everything you do

And when you come to me
And hold me close to you
I bless you
And you bless me, too

When your weary heart is tired
If the world would leave you uninspired
When nothing more of love’s desired
My blessing goes with you

When the storms of life are strong
When you’re wounded, when you don’t belong
When you no longer hear my song
My blessing goes with you

This is my prayer for you
There for you, ever true
Each, every day for you
In everything you do

And when you come to me
And hold me close to you
I bless you
And you bless me, too

I bless you
And you bless me, too

~Celtic Woman – The Blessing

(Day one of NaBloPoMo and I’m already cheating…but really, the song called to me…I thought the words were beautiful…so I tied in some pictures of my wonderful family…what better way to start a month of posts?)

Did you know that there are only 100 days left until Christmas?

Two days ago I got hit with the bug. Yup, already.  I’ve told Archie to make me  list of his co-workers and friends that he wants included on the list.  Because I’m making plans.

Last year I made well over 1000 cookies, that we pigged out on, I sent in a plate w/ hubs to work, I went to a cookie exchange and took a plate of ALL my cookies-not just my exchange cookies.  I took them to my parents – and we ate them ALL.

This year I’m all about the homemade gifts. I can’t go into too much detail because people read this blog that will get some of those gifts   But I’m making my list, and I’m checking it a dozen times.

I have recipes lining up to make even MORE cookies than previous years, and candies.  I’ll make gift bags of the goodies for friends and family…and for family I’ll also have some non-edible gifts. 

The girls are getting homemade clothes, and I also have purchased clothes for both them and Brandon.  So far I’ve only spent about $40 total and have all of their clothes shopping done (this far in advance! NEVER happens!). 

I have gifts planned for all the youth (older, younger, and unborn)…and simple gifts for the extended family.  If all goes well no one will be without a gift – even if it’s a goodie bag of dessert   I’ve also started giving hubby ideas of what I want *G* Now if he’d do the same (although he’s sort of predictable…I think I can guess)

I hope you’re making your plans…it seems so far – but it passes by so fast!  I hope to finish early…there are other holidays to plan for  

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Any blogging buddies that want a care package of my goodies better email me now so I can add you to my list!!

I know what today is.  I know what it means to our country. I remember every detail of 2001 in vivid detail…but since before 2001, this date has been difficult for me, for my family…in 1996 my family’s core was lost, the heart of us…my grandfather…so my post on 9/11 is for him. Perhaps tomorrow I will put up my other 9/11 reminder. Oh, and at surface glance I hate this picture of me, but then I see the pure joy on my face dancing with my grandfather and aesthetics be damned, it’s my favorite picture.

 It was his birthday.  I was young and such a very short kid…and he was TALL.  I remember watching him put our coats in the closet and staring up, up, up at him and asking, “How tall are you?”  With his sparkling eyes and laugh he informed me that he was over 6′.  My eyes grew wide, and all I could say was, “But you’re so close to the ceiling!  If you have ANY more birthdays you’ll go right through!”

His chair sat by the front door and the minute he sat the race was on – who would get the privilige of sitting on his lap, carrying on as deep a conversation as a child was capable of. Who would get to play with his round pot belly, and listen to his laughter.

He worked for GM and he was proud of it, and so were we.

When I close my eyes I can still smell his pipe and see the pipe carousel on his dresser.  I can smell the cigarettes that he and grandma smoked.

I remember that after he retired he would watch soap operas during lunch.

And I remember the weddings – when my cousin and I would trade off and share him for the dance.  “Grampa” by the Judds.

I remember his smile.

I remember his belly.

I remember the strength that he always carried in his soul and body.

I remember the pain that shot through my heart at the word…”cancer”.  Once it was uttered it was less than a year.  10 months.

I remember the first time I saw him in the hospital-and how I had to run from the room because it made me physically ill to see my big strong grandfather lying in a bed weak and hooked up to tubes.

I remember his fight.

I remember when it was acknowledged in our hearts that the time to fight was over.

I remember how he held on - hours past when we thought we would lose him – because he would not let go until he’d gotten to hear the good-bye of all of his grandchildren, and my brother had been in surgery for his shattered wrist. Half an hour after the final phone call, he was gone.

I remember the sound of the tennis balls scattering across the hallway when my professor’s assistant walked up asking if she knew where I was…and all I could do was run to my car to get home as soon as I could.

From there it’s a blur…a long car ride from NC to NY.  The arrangements. The funeral home. The droves of people I didn’t know, but who all knew him, overflowing the room.

The pain has lessened, resorted to a memory. For the most part I remember the love, the good things, the joy.   But on this day every year the pain comes back to the forefront.

We love you still, and will always love you, Grampa.

Time means nothing.

Time means everything.

Years go by.

Days.

Minutes.

And it’s like nothing…and everything has happened.

There is never enough time together…

And always too much apart.

But when apart, and then rejoined, familiar words, jokes, thoughts, feelings…the heart beat of home remains the same.

Nothing changes.

Everything changes.

Family is constant.

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In the next day or two, expect my wonderful husband Archie to guest post.  I have asked him to contribute on how it is for him raising our special girls.  He has agreed to give it a shot!!

Weekly Winners is the brainchild of the wonderfully Sarcastic Mom, Lotus

I really didn’t get out my camera much this week. I’ve spent the second half of the week playing with my sewing machine instead of my camera. So, I decided to bring out some of the pictures that I didn’t get to in last week’s showoff of our photo shoot. These were all taken on the White River – where it becomes more of a creek when it’s not raining and runs through our local park. When I was taking the kids around town, we stopped in the park and seeing some other people playing in the river I impulsively took the kids down. The last few pictures were after we were done and I was cleaning the sand off my feet, the girls were changed and running around.

[Show as slideshow]

[View with PicLens]

Now go check out some others, over at Lotus‘ place while I stare longingly at the photography courses in my local colleges course catalog.

For those of you living in a cave…this weekend is the big BlogHer party just a few hours away from me in Chicago.  I made the choice not to go back when tickets were available and I had the cash…and now that neither are available I’m sort of regretting that decision.  But, I’ve found plenty of ways to beat those blues…

1) This post itself.  It’s entered me for a chance to win a $1oo sponsorship from Cozi!  They’re sponsoring 15 moms (with the highest comments…so please make sure to say something!) who are missing the big weekend with $100!  This would help me afford the technology to improve my webmag, so I so need it!! 

2) It turns out I’m so not alone.  There are tons of parties going on across the blogosphere.  I’ve found 4 of them and added their links to my side bar!  Check them all out!  Some started last night, some tonight…join in the fun!! 

3) I may have a chance to see some of my Indy girls that are home as well…if we can coordinate it!

4) It looks like the weather is finally looking up.  Maybe I can finally get the kids out of the house!!

5) My house cleaning is close to compete (only my kitchen and bathroom need major overhauls now)…so I can sit back and just do maintenance cleaning this weekend.

6) I can spend some time seeing just how easy it is to adapt my Cozi account to my Home Management Notebook.

7) I get to do some back-to-school shopping for my oldest.  It’s hard to believe that his school starts in 2.5 weeks! 

I may get some time to myself, too.  I have a gift card to JoAnn’s that I got for my birthday to spend…and it’s burning a hole in my pocket!

9) I’m hoping that our potty training journey is just about done.  I’ve been trying some advice I got – so I hope it works better than any other I’ve gotten.

10) It’s time to Dave Ramsey it…Total Money Makeover.  So I shouldn’t be out in a hotel spending too much money on food and drinks anyway…so it’s all for the better that this homebody is home!!!

I hope you’re weekend is great, and I hope to be back with picutres from our cookout last weekend (croquet! So long since I’ve played!!), and other assorted posts in between all the things I hope to do this weekend!!

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For those coming here for the parties – let me introduce myself!
I’m Sarah, of Casa de Perfect. I’ve been blogging for almost two years now!

My hubby, Archie and I are the parents of 3 great kids.

Brandon (10) is neurotypical and in 5th grade.

Riley (3.5) is mildly autistic and has RSS. She’s in special needs preschool.

Angel (2.5) has CF, severe truncal hypotonia, dysphagia, tibial torsion, sensory disoroder, and anger issues.

Every day we redefine ourselves, our lives, and our definition of perfect. We hope we can redefine yours, too.

Here’s to living life beyond our labels…and to redefining perfect for everyone.

**This is not my actual house, just one similar to it I found online. Ours is like this, small, one floor, no landscaping, tree in the front yard…but our is more rectangle than square **

When we moved into this house 7 years ago it was as a ’starter’ house.  It was perfect for our ’small’ family of three.  3 bedrooms, the largest of which was 13X12, the smallest 9X9. The kitchen and living room were a good size and there were two bathrooms (unique for this neighborhood).

Since them our ’starter’ house has become our permanent home.  We’ve made mistakes financially, which we are now trying to correct, but the end result is we are here and likely not going anywhere for a long time. 

In a way, that’s okay with us.  The neighborhood is amazing.  Our neighbors are wonderful.  The street has no outlet-which means no through traffic, only 95% residential traffic-so the kids (and there are a LOT of them) can run and play up and down the street with only minimal chance of danger.  Brandon can go out and play and I know that if he’s up to no good where I can’t see him a neighbor will call and let me know.  We all watch out for each other-and I couldn’t ask for a better place to live.

But the house is SMALL.  When we first moved in we took the biggest room, put Brandon in the next biggest and turned the tiny box into an office. For the two of us packrats, the office became the catchall and by the time I became pregnant with Riley it was packed full of junk.  We cleaned it out and somehow turned it into a nursery, putting much of the junk in the garage. When Angel came along we made another switch, putting the two girls in the big room and squeezing poor Brandon into the 9X9 room.

Guess what, the packrats that are us still needed a catchall.  It became our bedroom.  Every other room would be ‘clean’ (but filled with clutter), and our room would be the pit.  It was the last room I would touch, and was so packed that I was overwhelmed.   We needed Clean House in the worst way.  But in the absence of ‘reality’ television…I finally had to bite the bullet and DO something.

This week I’ve started.  Our house is way too small for 5 people and the amount of clutter we had.  I don’t have the money for clever storage plans (oh, but I wish I do) so I have to cleanout completely.

I started in our bedroom.  From top to bottom I cleaned I rearranged and the room is now the cleanest in the house for a change.  It needs a coat of paint and some nice curtains, a new bedspread (Indy Girls, I’ll take offers )… but it’s CLEAN. 

Since then I’ve moved onto the living room – clutter central in a way I never realized…I’ve been finding clutter everywhere. 

But clutter is slowly taking it’s exit of my house.  I’ve thrown away probably 20 trash bags in the past week, and that’s just in two rooms.  I’m sure some of the items we could have done in a garage sale, but I’m just getting rid of everything. If I hold it for a garage sale, I’ll never have the sale.  I’m being realistic and aware of my own lethargy/procrastination on some matters.

Over the weekend I’ll finish the living room and move onto the kitchen next week (be afraid. Be VERY afraid).  I would love for the boys (my husband and neighbor) to just cut out the wall separating the living room from the kitchen while I’m working on this (we have talked about doing this, just not actually done it)…but for now I’ll just be happy to clean.  I hope to get paint and paint the rooms that need it (living room needs fresh coat; hallway, bedroom, and kitchen desperately need paint)…once everything is clean.  The last two rooms I’ll do is the boys room (I got started, didn’t finish) and the bathroom (hubs asked me to wait until he and Moe finish up the remodel…hopefully that will happen SOON).  The girls room is the closest to already clean that there is…as I regularly clean it out when they outgrow clothes. 

So now that this is being done I’m trying to shed my packrat ways…and the spending habits that came with her.  It won’t be easy – but I’m going to try!!

Shades of the past linger here
Through time and distance and space

Our ‘pool’ was bigger,
A lake, a pool, a far distant place

The joy is the same,
The splashing,  the laughter, the fun

Soaking up the days
Enjoying every moment in the sun

Tomorrow comes too fast
Yesterday becomes just a dream

Until you see it in your own
And a new yesterday begins to gleam

With a bright load of bullets…bullet points, that is.  It’s been so long since I’ve posted I can only go random with notes of where I’ve been.

* I have been working behind the scene, doing coding and graphics in preparation for the big launch!  My BFF and I have launched a new webmag The Modern Pagan!!  We have some great writers with MrsB, Angela, and RetroKali. We are currently looking for more writer’s and article submissions so spread the word!  Here’s a bit more from our ‘about’ page:

The Modern Pagan is an online magazine set up to help inform, teach and grow with the pagan and non-pagan communities. We will be posting articles on Wednesdays to begin with in the hopes that we can grow and move to a few more days during the week and finally daily. Please come and check out Weekly Tarot Card to see what’s been pulled from our deck. We will be posting stories, recipes, rituals, crafts and much more.

* I’ve been recovering from surgery.  After 3 weeks I’m feeling human again.  I still get an occasional twinge from the bruising under the surface and the incision sites still have not fully healed – but I feel ‘normal’.  I’ve discovered what I can and can’t eat and what I must eat in moderation. It’s been real fun figuring that out.

* Archie and I had a date. A REAL date. We didn’t go to the movies, we didn’t stay local like we always do (for the past 5 years we haven’t left this side of town).  We went to the south side to the Cheesecake Factory. We walked around the mall and then grabbed some more cheesecake and drove home!

* One week before school let out Brandon brought home a big fat F. It was a project that not only wasn’t finished, but not turned in on time.  And so, the boy begins summer break on lockdown (major grounding).

* I’ve set into (lime)stone my trip to NY this year.  I hadn’t planned on going, but a fellow blogger is also from there and recently took a spontaneous trip which made me very homesick.  Since Archie does horribly in the car I’ve asked my mom to go.  Because of the timing I get to finally meet the incredibly talented and beautiful Mishelle!!  We’re going to the original Duff’s to eat wings and drink Labbatt’s beer!  You bet we’ll both have our cameras so expect pictures!

* I actualy managed to get through ALL of our laundry yesterday. This is a rarity in our house so much that Archie thanked me for it and said that it wasn’t so easy (he knows after caring for the house for a week ).  I didn’t just WASH the laundry – I got 95% of it away, the last 5% I plan on putting away today. In a household of 5 this is HUGE.

* We’ve shared dinner with our neighbor Moe a couple of times in the past couple of weeks.  He’s a great friend and a big help to Archie when it comes to his girlfriend. I love being that close to our neighbors.

* Speaking of neighbors, now that the weather is nice we’ve spent a few evenings outside gathering with the neighbors. We have a wonderful small neighborhood where everyone knows everyone else.  It’s a neighborhood like I’ve always wanted to live in (did once when I was in 3-9 grade). 

* Our puppy is getting HUGE.  Sookie is gorgeous and I hope to have pictures of her up soon!

* Speaking of Sookie I am counting down the days to True Blood’s second season!  June 14th!!  I read book 9 in one night and have already marked the date of book 10 on my calendar. I’ve watched every preview that’s come out and purchased season 1 on DVD. I even started following the characters on Facebook! They give me such a giggle.

* Yeah, I finally caved.  I said I would never Facebook…but my husband got on, and I don’t remember the reason I caved, but I did.  I’m glad I did…I found my old middle school bestest friend in the world who stuck by me through some big crap.  I found out my cousin was on FB and her husband, and a good high school friend of mine.  I’ve made some great connections.  Because it’s my real name and connected to my hubbies real name I’m choosey about who I let in…but if you want in email me

* Speaking of Facebook…it’s because of that, and this post…that I’ve officially come out of the broom closet with my family.  Oops…but I had to spread the word about the Modern Pagan! 

* I need to have surgery more often.  Being stuck on the couch for a week led to frequent blog posting and reading…real life is way to wacky!!

* And so I close this bulleted list having said a whole lot of nothing!  Hopefully more frequent posting is upon us again…and you’ll get a new better picture of me if the ones I took on date day came out okay

Since my last post five days ago (*gasp* FIVE days?!)…here is a snippet of where we’ve been…

*Archie’s been A-OK with homeschooling…
*Archie’s been not-so A-OK with homeschooling (for Brandon)
*I posted a review over at TwoBroomsUp – get your romance on
*I started making chocolate-covered cherries 3 days ago – and I’m still working on it (almost done – must finish today or they won’t be ready for Friday)
*I’ve given away our old crib (Just need to deliver it now) – and the girls are crib free…
*Which has led to a permanent time-out of sorts where they are both under strict observation
*Which has also led to near-potty-trained-ness for Angel – with Riley having no choice but to follow behind now.
*I’ve been attempting to make plans to finally get my BFF Jess out here for a visit…which should happen in the next couple of months (I hope)
*I’ve hinted at Archie that we need to go to where Jess is for a family vacay this year – after all then we could go to Williamsburg! The really long car ride is giving him pause, though (and me)
*I’ve researched membership fees to museums around here
*I gave the blog a facelift finally (you like? It’s been done for weeks – just haven’t bothered to switch it )
*I barely touched my computer over the weekend
*And yet have managed to (maybe-possibly, hopefully) convinced hubs to let me use a wee-bit of the tax refund to get a MacBook. (Hey, if we’re homeschooling we’ll need more than one comp, right?)
*We’ve had a slew of discussions w/ Brandon about homsechooling. Archie is still on the fence.
*We went out to eat as a fam, then picked up a new keyboard and mouse (wireless) for the computer. You can once again see all the letters on the keyboard!
*I spent hours researching doggies on Saturday. Archie was curious. No dog in this house yet, though.
*What the HECK is THIS?  Seriously? Yes, teaching my child to grab their crotch in public is GREAT FUN!
*Because I got called out by Holly about my bias AGAINST the Twilight books – and I HATE being called out like that…I started reading Twilight last night. I’ll let you (and her) know what I think when I’m done. No opinions yet, I just started (Opinions about the PMS book, though…predictable much?)
*I’ve (re)written another chapter in my novel. Things are progessing differently, and hopefully better. I still feel like I’m lagging a bit, but the first three days are important. Hopefully it will all move much faster from here. We’ll see what happens.
*I’ve reopened my writing blog, though I haven’t posted yet.  I’m working on it slowly. Real life has been so hectic.

And that’s the big slew of randomness for today.  I know I’ve forgotten the past week has been so crazy-hectic.  Everything is going well…just hectic!!

Time for me to go visit the blogs on my neglected list.  I seriously haven’t even visited…much less commented!  So off I go!!