Redefining Perfect

I got this over at the marvelous Sundry’s blog…and she suggested we do it ourselves, and I was all over that.  Plus, it gave me the chance to write yet another post…and since I’m trying to get back on the posting ball, why the heck not?  *G*  Seriously, it’s fun and you should do it too…she suggests doing it every year and what a GREAT idea!  I’m going to try to remember to do just that.  How fun!  So, without further ado, my answers (Goddess help me in answering them all…song lyrics? That one is going to take some time).

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1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

I finally got to meet my wonderful best friend Jess.  We’ve been best friends for about six years now and just met last month! 

If this is supposed to be something lofty and amazing, um…well…I finished my novel and got it sent out to many agents and publishers. A few nibbles – and one offer to look at it once I’ve made adjustments according to her notes. Yup, gonna try to get that done in the first couple months of 2010!!
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?



I made a bunch of goals last year, but didn’t call them “resolutions” because I don’t like that word.  Did I achieve any?  Most of them, for a short while, and then it all went to hell.  Even this blog went to hell.  I think we can call it ‘depression’ because I think I had a bit of it this year (and if Archie or Jess scoff at that comment, I’ll smack you both).  It wasn’t that I had a HORRIBLE year, just seemed to be in a fog for most of it. I didn’t even do the Cystic Fibrosis walk (which I ended up fresh out of surgery for – serendipity, I suppose).  My attempts to get in shape only lasted weeks – but I did lose 15 pounds and have kept it off.

On a good note, I DID de-clutter my house quite a bit in May. It needs a good once-over again, but I’ve gotten better at cleaning (if not near perfect). I got all my Christmas stuff with two days to relax and do NOTHING prior to. My best friend and I started The Modern Pagan and have watched it grow thanks to wonderful writers & readers – it’s one of my shining joys of the year. I got more books read, and I finished writing mine and put it out there in the scary world. I got ideas for 2 new books on top of that and started writing what I call ‘fluff’ for fun and to keep my writing muscles working.

What about for 2010?  I’ll make some.  I won’t post them in this message, but after the turn of the year indirectly.  Mostly I hope to live better (financially and physically), healthier, more creative, and live life with more joy than I managed this year.  I’m taking steps to make that happen and I’ll get more into that later.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?



No one in my fam, but both my Sisters-in-law are pregnant and due in February

4. Did anyone close to you die?



No.

5. What countries did you visit?



Ha. I barely made it to another state and you think I made it out of the country? Not likely.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Energy and my zest for life.  I’d like to have myself back.  I’m finding her again slowly, and I hope that in 2010 she comes back with a vengeance.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Can’t say that any really do. I’m usually really good with dates, too.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?



The Modern Pagan. It’s just becoming everything we’d hoped it would and more every day. I would say having a healthy Angel all year long, but that’s all her, not my achievement I’d also like to say finishing my novel – but since it’s facing a quick rewrite I guess it isn’t technically finishing

9. What was your biggest failure?

I can’t think of any ONE thing that I’d consider a huge failure.  Not enough to be notable.  I guess letting my year and myself get so BLAH, if that counts.  Otherwise, it’s all the times I’ve lost my temper w/ the kids.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yup.  Spent several days in the hospital having my gall bladder removed. Not once before have I had issues with it, but it totally crapped out on me in May. Otherwise nothing notable, just a couple colds/fluish days.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Hmmmm. That’s a tough one.  My laptop is pretty awesome and purdy and I lubs it…but I think the best purchase this year was the Wii we just got for Christmas.  I think it’s going to continue to be awesome (and addictive. Damn Mario Bros.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Uh. Huh? Definitely not mine. I can’t say that anything sticks out. Maybe Brandon’s continuing academic prowess.  I certainly celebrated when he got invited to join the Odyssey of the Mind (Gifted/Talented) program at school.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?



The media in general.  They always make me appalled and depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go?



Mortagage, cars, bills, and food. There isn’t much left after that.

15. What did you get really excited about?

Uh.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

The first song that popped into my head was a song by the Glee cast: Somebody to Love 

Only because I automatically recognize it and 2009 was the year we got Glee



17. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? Sadder. I shouldn’t be, but I’m working on that
– thinner or fatter? Thinner, but not because of discipline.


– richer or poorer? Neither.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?



Gotten out of the house w/ the kids for playdates. Done more things for me (I know what this means, if you don’t). 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?



Losing my temper and yelling.

20. How did you spend Christmas?



Christmas Eve and morning were here, then we went to my parents.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Um. No…not in the traditional sense that this means. I’m not single anyway, so…yeah.

22. What was your favorite TV program?



It WAS True Blood until Alan Ball fucked that sucker up.  It WAS So You Think You Can Dance during the summer season because it was AWESOME…but then the fall season happened and that sucked donkey balls.  Sooo…in the end my favorite TV program would have to be GLEE.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?



No.

24. What was the best book you read?

Um…you want me to remember that?  Let’s see…the one I wanted to say I actually read in 2008…sooo…going over what I read this year…I guess that would be Hunted by PC and Kristin Cast.  I LOVE these books so much better than that other series (which were among the WORST books I read)

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?


Uh. I’m out of the loop really, I hear things if I happen to be in the car or it’s referred to me.  So I’d have to say it was actually a musical “School of Rock” because it’s just a crapload of fun.

26. What did you want and get?

Kennedy healthy for a full year. A laptop.  The Modern Pagan started. And meeting Jess.

27. What did you want and not get?

A book contract. I’m hopeful for 2010, though.
Healthier. Boy do I suck there.
Financially smarter – so embarrassed that some of my friends are so financially thrifty and I’m so poor at it.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Have to say it was Star Trek. Yes, Archie, it was.  I LOVED Wolverine (Hello, it’s HUGH…beefed up HOT HUGH), but the story lacked…Star Trek was all around awesomeness.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I don’t remember. I’m pretty sure we went out for my birthday, but I don’t remember. I’ve slept since then.  I turned 33.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A book contract.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Same as always. Jeans and T-shirts.

32. What kept you sane?



Jess. My kids in their shining, bright happy moments. When I was in the hospital most definitely, Archie.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

As I have for many years. DROOL.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?



I don’t discuss politics. It all sucks.

35. Who did you miss?



Angela, a wonderful lady in my playgroup that moved so far away to Alabama. My kids adored her and her kids and she is just the bomb. Still get to see her on facebook, which is awesome.

36. Who was the best new person you met?



Hm. I can’t pick one, so I won’t say.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.



Never forget who you are.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.



You’re kidding me, right? A song lyric?  Not sure I can do that…let me think…

But I’ve been stoned
And I’ve been stung
And I’m still someone
I don’t want to hear about angels in my life

All I want is something real
Something I can feel
I want you so much
And I need to be loved to be healed
Something I can feel

Yeah, depressing lyrics…but like I said…the year was blah and I felt like I was sleeping through most of it.  But a new year is here…and how awesome is that?!  Time for a more cheerful song to light my way!!

I told you I was busy this month with crafts, decorating the house and just in general being internet lazy (except for twitter, which I think I OD’d on at times…but I digress).  So, here’s some pictures of the decorations I was working on…you’ll have to wait to see the sewing I did for my girls

First item on this list is not actually something I made this year, I made it last year…but I’m proud of it so I’m showing it off again.  It’s my tree topper.  The ribbons went down the tree and wove through he branches and ornaments (will be shown later).

Next is my forest.  I previewed it a couple months ago when I had my first two completed, but I expanded on it…I actually made several more than the forest seen here, but they were given away (to my Mom and Archie took 2 to work)…I apologize for the cruddy picture. My camera did not like the forest and I failed all season to get good pictures of it at all.

Then a series of dirt cheap decorations that were my absolute favorite for the year! Seriously, everything you’re about to see was $5 or under to create…

First, my wreath. All supplies bought at the dollar store. Total cost: $5 (4 rolls of ribbon, 1 styrofoam wreath).

Next, my garland.  Six pieces of felt and sewing thread…total cost: about $1.50

Nothing more than a simple pleasure.  Metal bowl I already had, filled w/ dollar store ornaments, about 3 tubes. Total cost: $3

My snow, one of my absolute favorite parts of my decorations. Realy made it feel festive for a simple decoration. Sparkle felt glued onto cardstock and stuck on my shelves. Total cost: approx. $5

And another super simple one that was just about my favorite besides the snow. Simple dollar store ribbon with bells tied on put on the curtain rod I usually have my quilt on. Total cost: $2.50

And those are my crafts from around the house.  Part of what kept me so busy at home!!  I was very happy to actually HAVE Christmas decorations this year…and all better that I made them myself…and for cheap! 

Now that those, and the Christmas presents (to be shown later) are done…I’m working on something for myself.  Something I’ve been wanting to make for many many many years…but I’ll share that later!

Coming soon, a giveaway to help with your New Years resolutions! I just got it via FedEx today and hope to have it posted up over the weekend once I’ve had a chance to look it over!!

Wow it’s been such a long time since I posted! An entire month, actually! I’ve been so very busy doing stuff around this house prepping for christmas and actually taking part in it.  That I just havne’t posted.

Sad thing is, I’ve been online…I just have not been motivated or inspired to post.  There are some things I have simply NOT been able to post about, and everything else seemed trivial, to trivial to post.  

Excuses aside, I’m starting to come out of my hole again, I think.  I hope.  I just paid for another year of my URL, and it would be a shame to waste it as much as I did in 2009.  My amount of posting really dropped off and died for a long time…think I can revive it again?  Gosh, I hope so.

I have a lot of little (and big) projects going on.  I have pictures of my massive crafting expidition and resulting Christmas day to post.  I have a lot going on, and hopefully I’ll be sharing a lot more of it with you again!  And yes, this involves visiting your blogs as well! 

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*Paraphrased quote from Slap Shot.

There is nothing I can write.

Not at the moment.

There is too much.

It can’t be said here. It can’t be said there.

I am on a trip.  I’m visiting my best friend Jess.  We are meeting for the first time and that is wonderful…but the reasons behind it are too heavy to divulge right now.

I will be back. Soon. I will be posting.

Eventually it will come out, but for now when I return the posts will focus on the joy of this trip and my children. 

The rest will wait until I am in a better place to explain my absence.

I have not forgotten you. I just cannot put into words where I am. Or I could, but I won’t. This isn’t the place for it. It isn’t the time for it.

Please forgive me this brief break of posting that I had this week. The events were coming for a while, but hit suddenly as all things do.

I hope to return by Monday if I’m recovered from my long drive home on Sunday. If not, Tuesday. Then you will be able to see and hear of the joy I have felt in being here in this place, surrounded by the love of a dear friend that I have known online for six years – but have just now met face to face this week.

Until then.

I know what today is.  I know what it means to our country. I remember every detail of 2001 in vivid detail…but since before 2001, this date has been difficult for me, for my family…in 1996 my family’s core was lost, the heart of us…my grandfather…so my post on 9/11 is for him. Perhaps tomorrow I will put up my other 9/11 reminder. Oh, and at surface glance I hate this picture of me, but then I see the pure joy on my face dancing with my grandfather and aesthetics be damned, it’s my favorite picture.

 It was his birthday.  I was young and such a very short kid…and he was TALL.  I remember watching him put our coats in the closet and staring up, up, up at him and asking, “How tall are you?”  With his sparkling eyes and laugh he informed me that he was over 6′.  My eyes grew wide, and all I could say was, “But you’re so close to the ceiling!  If you have ANY more birthdays you’ll go right through!”

His chair sat by the front door and the minute he sat the race was on – who would get the privilige of sitting on his lap, carrying on as deep a conversation as a child was capable of. Who would get to play with his round pot belly, and listen to his laughter.

He worked for GM and he was proud of it, and so were we.

When I close my eyes I can still smell his pipe and see the pipe carousel on his dresser.  I can smell the cigarettes that he and grandma smoked.

I remember that after he retired he would watch soap operas during lunch.

And I remember the weddings – when my cousin and I would trade off and share him for the dance.  “Grampa” by the Judds.

I remember his smile.

I remember his belly.

I remember the strength that he always carried in his soul and body.

I remember the pain that shot through my heart at the word…”cancer”.  Once it was uttered it was less than a year.  10 months.

I remember the first time I saw him in the hospital-and how I had to run from the room because it made me physically ill to see my big strong grandfather lying in a bed weak and hooked up to tubes.

I remember his fight.

I remember when it was acknowledged in our hearts that the time to fight was over.

I remember how he held on - hours past when we thought we would lose him – because he would not let go until he’d gotten to hear the good-bye of all of his grandchildren, and my brother had been in surgery for his shattered wrist. Half an hour after the final phone call, he was gone.

I remember the sound of the tennis balls scattering across the hallway when my professor’s assistant walked up asking if she knew where I was…and all I could do was run to my car to get home as soon as I could.

From there it’s a blur…a long car ride from NC to NY.  The arrangements. The funeral home. The droves of people I didn’t know, but who all knew him, overflowing the room.

The pain has lessened, resorted to a memory. For the most part I remember the love, the good things, the joy.   But on this day every year the pain comes back to the forefront.

We love you still, and will always love you, Grampa.

Time marches on, life moves forward and things change.

My first REAL job was here, at this Hardees.  Yes, this exact one.  I worked there with several of my friends off and on throughout high school.

Tonight I drove past and all that is left is rubble.  They’re rebuilding, putting in another Hardee’s – but it will never be MY Hardee’s.

The Hardee’s where Jeffy almost broke my nose one night when I was NOT actually employed there but helping them close up.

The Hardee’s where we spent hours chatting in the parking lot while I gave, and got, back rubs…and braided the boys’ (yes, boys’) hair.

The Hardee’s that I worked at and got so much grease embedded into my hair JUST by working there, that it took 3 months after I left for good for my hair to ACTUALLY become clean.

The booth that was OUR booth.  We ate there, talked there, I even had my interview there. 

The booth that I sat in and laughed my BUTT off because for the first time in my life I’d seen someone literally GRAY in the face!! Kel-Kel…I swear I will NEVER forget that New Years party…and I wasn’t even there.

Our manager, Dave…who I still see and looks like a crazy mountain man now…but was a cool manager.

The tons and tons of free chicken I took home because it was leftover.  That my family pigged out on at every sinle party we had…and it was GOOD.

The endless amounts of 1/4-cheese ketchup&mustard only w/ fries that I ate…I still dream about the damn fries.

And last but not least…that monster under the CIRO-D.  It haunted us for years…and even after the remodel that monster was there…hiding in the fat vats.  We all knew it…but the destruction of the building has taken that all away…

Hardee’s – I hated you, but I loved you.  We had some hilarious times there…especially when the closing team was a group of band geeks.  I’ll miss you as I knew you…filthy and disgusting as you were.

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And no, I can’t believe that I just waxed nostalgic over Hardee’s…but it really made me sad.  The building NEEDED to be demolished…but I’ll still always remember it fondly as my first place of employment…where I worked with a lot of my friends and I continued to hangout and ‘work’ at after I STOPPED collectin paychecks.

I spent the better part of the weekend (from Thursday to Sunday) sleeping.  I was sick, sick, sick…and have just now started feeling better.  The worst part of being sick was having two sickies with me (*thing 1 and thing 2*) that were just as miserable as I was. 

Riley recovered fast, but it clung to my Angel like  glue. The cough lingered and she was put on antibiotics (drugs…woohoo).  She recovered a bit, but continued to cough.  And cough. And cough – waking up at nights.  It wasn’t continuous – just lingering. So, as luck would have it we had our regularly scheduled visit to the CF clinic yesterday. Her lung functions have gone down, so the pulm has extended and increased her antibiotics….and added steroids. 

So after all of this, I’m finally back.  Still keeping an eye on my baby – but I’m here!  Sorry I was so MIA.  Whateer this summer cold was made of, it kicked my ass!

And the Rock and Roll?

Well, it’s RIGHT HERE!!

It’s starts so simple, a few words exchanged on a message board, a comment on a blog.  Something simple with friendly intentions. 

In the midst of an innocent hello, a moment of similarity erupts – a connection is made.

The comment turns into an email exchange.  A similar taste in art,

Movies,

Music…

You start to talk more, the emails become IM’s and you find yourself chatting well into the night.

That one simple connection, the moment you hit enter, it changed your life without any such intent.

She became so much more, so much a part of your life.  You have yet to shake hands, to exchange that long-awaited hug, to embrace the person that has become your dearest friend.

You know all of her children, their birthdays, their quirks.  You know that every time you call each other someone’s child will be in the background screaming because they are just evil that way. 

She is the first person your husband calls after your surgery (or is SUPPOSED to call), the first person you think of when something good or bad happens.  She’s become a part of you, a part of your heart, a part of your soul.

You cry together, you laugh together, you have private jokes. 

Connected by cables and wires, phone lines, cell lines, modems…but most importantly you are connected by the heart.

You know she’s your sister by your shared traits, by your differences – and by your honesty. 

There is nothing like a digital sisterhood, it starts more honest and innocent, without the nerves of meeting a stranger in the park.  This person you’ve reached out with a kind hello to someone you’ve seen around – you’ve read their words and glimpsed into their world. 

The connection may never become deep and true, abiding like a close friend – but you will always be connected. 

And once in a while you will get lucky and get a friendship like the one I described above – the one that is a part of my life.  A connection I never could have made without the cables and wires…it is how we met, it is how we will remain close, best friends….

Sisters. 

Dedicated to my best friend, my sister of my heart…Jess.  Love you, chica.

I was inspired to write this for The Sister Project – as a chance to win a sponsorship to the Type A Mom Conference.  Whether I win or not, this post is from the heart…and if I could I would win the sponsorship for her instead…

For those of you living in a cave…this weekend is the big BlogHer party just a few hours away from me in Chicago.  I made the choice not to go back when tickets were available and I had the cash…and now that neither are available I’m sort of regretting that decision.  But, I’ve found plenty of ways to beat those blues…

1) This post itself.  It’s entered me for a chance to win a $1oo sponsorship from Cozi!  They’re sponsoring 15 moms (with the highest comments…so please make sure to say something!) who are missing the big weekend with $100!  This would help me afford the technology to improve my webmag, so I so need it!! 

2) It turns out I’m so not alone.  There are tons of parties going on across the blogosphere.  I’ve found 4 of them and added their links to my side bar!  Check them all out!  Some started last night, some tonight…join in the fun!! 

3) I may have a chance to see some of my Indy girls that are home as well…if we can coordinate it!

4) It looks like the weather is finally looking up.  Maybe I can finally get the kids out of the house!!

5) My house cleaning is close to compete (only my kitchen and bathroom need major overhauls now)…so I can sit back and just do maintenance cleaning this weekend.

6) I can spend some time seeing just how easy it is to adapt my Cozi account to my Home Management Notebook.

7) I get to do some back-to-school shopping for my oldest.  It’s hard to believe that his school starts in 2.5 weeks! 

I may get some time to myself, too.  I have a gift card to JoAnn’s that I got for my birthday to spend…and it’s burning a hole in my pocket!

9) I’m hoping that our potty training journey is just about done.  I’ve been trying some advice I got – so I hope it works better than any other I’ve gotten.

10) It’s time to Dave Ramsey it…Total Money Makeover.  So I shouldn’t be out in a hotel spending too much money on food and drinks anyway…so it’s all for the better that this homebody is home!!!

I hope you’re weekend is great, and I hope to be back with picutres from our cookout last weekend (croquet! So long since I’ve played!!), and other assorted posts in between all the things I hope to do this weekend!!

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For those coming here for the parties – let me introduce myself!
I’m Sarah, of Casa de Perfect. I’ve been blogging for almost two years now!

My hubby, Archie and I are the parents of 3 great kids.

Brandon (10) is neurotypical and in 5th grade.

Riley (3.5) is mildly autistic and has RSS. She’s in special needs preschool.

Angel (2.5) has CF, severe truncal hypotonia, dysphagia, tibial torsion, sensory disoroder, and anger issues.

Every day we redefine ourselves, our lives, and our definition of perfect. We hope we can redefine yours, too.

Here’s to living life beyond our labels…and to redefining perfect for everyone.

Weekly Winners is the brainchild of the wonderfully Sarcastic Mom, Lotus

Pictures from the week of 7/12/09-7/18/09

This week was busy with cleaning (I’m sparing you those pictures for now), a rebirth of my jewelry making, and ended on a very high note with my brithday!

First, a sampling of pictures from jewelry night and just a day in our yard.

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Then a series of pictures I’ve taken of the sky during the week.  One of my favorite activities. 

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And last, but not least, my birthday!  Archie took me to The Melting Pot. It was wonderful and amazing and he didn’t balk at me taking in my camera.  I’d say about 90% of these are straight out of the camera…it was delicious and we had a ton of fun!!!  Oh, and the picture of the back of my head was to show off the hair it took me an hour and a half to style And no, it’s not time to cut it yet.

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