Redefining Perfect

Six years ago I met her online.

Five and a half years ago we had our first phone call.

We’ve exchanged pictures and gifts. Talked about our husbands, our children. 

She was the first person my husband called when I went into the hospital in labor – or for surgery. 

I sat helpless miles away as she suffered through a difficult divorce.

She sat feeling just as helpless as I struggled with my children, their diagnoses, daily life.

Last week I took a last minute trip.  I packed in an hour, loaded all three kids into the truck and I drove.

For almost 700 miles we crossed four states to end up in Virginia. 

I stepped out of my truck and onto her front lawn and finally got to embrace my best friend. 

We hugged, laughed, talked, and cried.  She got to see my girls and play with them.  Our sons met and became fast and very close friends (as we expected them to). We sat two feet from each other and played on the computer, laughing and joking that we should log on and chat online at the same time.

My reasons for going no longer mattered as much as being there. With my friend.  Seeing that it isn’t the distant connection that keeps us close.  It is a real connection, and now been cemented by face to face contact, long hugs and comfortable silence.

I traveled almost seven hundred miles and felt just as at home as I do now.

Always my friend.  Always my sister.  Now more “real” then ever.

Until now I’ve been happy with our school system. Brandon has thrived and learned and had his intelligence recognized.  Not one thing has given us pause when it’s come to his schooling. The girls were a different matter – but with Brandon we’ve not had problems…

Yesterday became the day – the first time I had to really sit back and wonder at things.  I became very disappointed in the school’s handling of a situation that affected me, my son, my husband. 

Brandon blacked out in school. We don’t know why. We don’t know how. We only know that it was for a couple of minutes, and that it improved after he ate lunch.

We never had a chance to get him and take him to the doctor when it would have been effective. We didn’t even know it happened.  Why?

They called us – twice. Once on the home phone and left a message (I was in the bathroom – heard phone ring but not the answering machine).  Once on my cell phone (which had a dead battery).

Did they call ANY other number on our emergency number list?

Did they call Archie? My mother? My father?

No.

They didn’t even LOOK at his emergency card. They asked HIM for the numbers (he doesn’t have all of those memorized!)!! 

They did not try to call the home number again. At all.

It wasn’t until I happened to glance at our answering machine 4 hours after the initial phone call that I found out.

Meanwhile Brandon spent at least 30 minutes in the nurses office freaking out over what had happened to him and he had no one to comfort him but a school nurse.  I live two minutes from the school I could have picked him up and had him at the doctors office (another 3 minutes away) in no time.

By the time I found out he’d finished the entire school day.

Archie and I are NOT happy.  We are trying to decide how best to address this with the school.  It was handled exceptionally poorly and we are nowhere near okay with it at all.

The blog has been in the planning stages for months, but we’ve just now managed to get the coding/graphics done and the site put together. 

My BFF Jess and I have joined together to start a review blog!  We’ve called it:

Two Brooms Up

Today I’m over there with a review of Sandra Worth’s: The King’s Daughter.  It’s due to be released tomorrow!!  So go on over and read the review and click my link to preorder the book!!

Preview of the review:

Elizabeth of York was the only woman to be a daughter, niece, sister, wife, and mother to English kings. Her wide connection to royalty did not prove to grant her a charmed life, quite the opposite.

My parents showed up for Thanksgiving.  It was a great day.  The girls got totally overwhelmed having two extra people in our house…but mostly they behaved.  My mom was with me in the kitchen, the boys were in the living room watching football. 

The turkey didn’t cook well…well, not completely.  It apparently didn’t defrost all the way – but the breast meat was done and that’s the best part.  We all gathered in the ktichen to eat, a table full of good food.  I had made a new cranberry dish my parents raved over, and our plates were full, and soon were our bellies.  The girls ate good, and the choking by Angel was kept to a minimum.  I surprised my dad with a Lemon Meringue pie (his favorite). 

After dinner the boys went into the living room again to sleep watch football.  Mom and I did the dishes, getting them all knocked out (as I’d been washing as I cooked, which made it easier).  Then we sat and talked and my parents left after a while.  For the most part…it was a very good day…

Except the part where I broke my own heart…

I asked my Dad to carve the turkey.  I could’ve done it, I should’ve done it, but I stupidly asked my Dad.

My Dad has parkinson’s.  Over the past year it has become worse.  He doesn’t walk now, he shuffles.  Everything he does is very slow, very deliberate.  I should’ve known better.  But apparently I didn’t.  He struggled and cut for several minutes – at one point exclaiming, “I’m butchering your bird.”  And then he finally had to give up and say that he couldn’t.  He was too tired.  He couldn’t cut…he didn’t have the strength. 

But other than breaking my own heart…it was good.

I apologize for not being up yesterday. I’m having issues with my webhost which I hope to resolve soon…if not I’ll be shopping for a new webhost.

I love where I live.  It’s a small(er) suburb, the county seat, my neighborhood itself is an enclosed street hidden away so there’s not through traffic – no traffic at all practically – but connected to a main road.  The town is small enough that the school district has one school for each level (K-3, 4-6, middle, high), so my son will know all the kids all the way through to graduation…and I know the schools.

But I’ve always joked about it being ‘hickville’ (and adjacent to Hicksburg, Hickfield, and Hicksboro).  We ARE 2 minutes from rural lands in every direction but one.  We do have a fair amount of rednecks that live close, and all of us around here are “simple” folk that live quietly, simply - definitely don’t live ‘large’.  Modest homes and families, good friendships and a sense of community.

Yesterday I got the proof that sealed the deal that despite all of this…it is still HICKville. 

Where else but Hickville can you walk out on your back deck  and get the view of your neighbor having just returned from hunting…cleaning the deer in his driveway?  Antlers lying in the yard…deer lying on a platform designed for the task attached to the back of an SUV. 

I just laughed and stepped back inside…thinking to myself that I needed no further proof…Hickville it is.

Maybe I needed the time away.  Maybe I’ve lost my mind.  Maybe I’m going through a “thing.”  I don’t know…but I’m freaking me out.  Since I got back from Buffalo I’ve…

Cleaned – EVERY day

Done dishes – every day but one

I’ve been a baking fool.  I cooked pie pumpkins and used their insides to make pumpkin muffins and bread, I’ve made sourdough bread (yum), which I plan on using for sourdough french toast tonight.

When all 5 of my family members have been home we’ve had family dinner (except Halloween cuz it was a little wacky).

I made homemade applesauce.  I made the bed, did laundry, snuggled with my husband (went to bed at the same time as him *gasp*). 

I don’t know what’s gotten into me…but I have to admit that I like it…I hope it holds…I like productive me much better than slug me.

Now if I could just spread some of that productiveness to my blog…maybe I could redo the face of it into something I’m happy with and build my visitor count back up again…Right now is very very sad.

My first Thursday Thirteen in some time.  I decided since I’m out of town I’ll list thirteen of the things I’ll be doing EATING…while I’m in Buffalo. (and asking my BFF to add my site to the TT list)

1.  Beef on ‘Wick from Anderson’s (at that EXACT Anderson’s in that picture…it still stands, though slightly remodeled)

2.  Vanilla soft serve w/ rainbow sprinkles from Anderson’s.

3.  A hot dog from Ted’s Hot Dogs (where they serve Sahlen’s…YUM)

4.  French Fries w/ Vinegar (probably at Ted’s)

5. Sponge Candy from Watson’s

6.  Placek from Pumpernick ‘N Pastry

7.  Capicola sub from Mike’s

8.  Bison French Onion Dip

9.  Aunt Rosie’s Loganberry

10. REAL Buffalo Wings from Duff’s

11. Margherita Pepperoni

12. Bison Cottage Cheese

13. Good bagels

To BUFFALO!

Today at approximate 9AM all my kids and I will be packed into the Explorer and heading out East. 

Yes.  That’s me. Three kids. No husband.

Insane?  Possibly.  Excited?  A little bit (okay, a LOT). 

The drive will be tough, but I’m taking my time – and my camera.  I’m going to let the kids get out and run.  I’m not putting a time limit on this drive…”We made it in EIGHT hours!” will not ring through my grandmother’s house.  I’m hoping this will help their, and my, sanity.

We will have competing sounds as the girls watch hour upon hour of Dora on our (new – the old one broke right before the trip, of course *pout*) portable DVD player…while I listen to show tunes and Brandon plays DS…ALL.DAY.LONG. 

We will stop for puke-donald’s.  We will stop for potty breaks. 

And we will get to my Grandmother’s.

I haven’t been HOME in two+ years.  The last time we went, Angel was 2 months old, and Molly took her first steps at the park across the street from my grandmother’s.  My niece is turning 5 while we’re there, and we get to go to her party. 

I will go shopping for real food (Sahlen’s hot dogs, Webers mustard, REAL salt&vinegar chips, Loganberry,  placek and sponge candy).  I will have Anderson’s custard & Beef on ‘Wick.  I will eat my grandmother’s goulash (should i say yum? not feeling that one), and listen to her rant on every topic imaginable.

Archie isn’t coming…the one sad note about the trip.  I wish he could come and see my family again.  Celebrate my niece’s birthday with us.  I’m sure I will talk to him often, but only as often as work and life allow.

I will probably start experiencing computer withdrawals tomorrow.  Today I’m driving, and distracted by kids.  Tomorrow will be fun and exciting for a few hours, but as a work day for most of my family it will be quiet for us.  By 11AM I’m likely to be texting Jess left and right…but I will survive without a computer somehow.

I’ve preset posts for the weekend, because I won’t be home until Monday night.  I’ll take time to edit pictures, but I’ll post an update at the very least on Tuesday. 

Keep me in your thoughts today, though…as I drive 526 miles with 3 kids and just one little scrap of sanity to begin with.

Hi all!  Did you miss me?  Just a little?  I’m here to let you know that we are alive, everyone is (currently) healthy (except for the horrific cold Riley passed to me).  The monster still paces outside our door, but we live on. 

I wish I could give you a better explanation of what is happening and why I felt compelled to delete a years worth of posts totalling over 400 posts about me, my family, and our struggles.  Unfortunately the nature of the situation drives me to protect my kids with a fiercer tenacity than I have in the past year. 

For now  I have decided to stop fearing every step of this journey.  I’ve decided to face my fears and force myself to look forward with hope.  I have to take a positive spin on life again, or I’ll end up making myself sick.

I have decided to resume posting again, but I will be more cautious, more particular with what I post…and for a while, at least, the pictures of my adorable babies will not appear.  It will take me a few weeks to regain my bearings with the blog and it’s renewal from scratch.  The future of the blog must be rebuilt…and the future of me and my family must be faced. 

I will post again on Monday with updates on how the kids are doing, and Archie and myself.  Right now I need to get to work cleaning up.  DirecTV comes tomorrow to install our dish and DVR…I’ll be getting HBO so I can watch the new show True Blood whenevers I want

Yesterday if anyone passed through here they likely got a blank screen, or very little on it.  In a panic of situation, I deleted everything.  My blog, my database.  400+ posts are gone in a blink, and they will never come back. 

Due to personal issues that I cannot (and will not) divulge at this time, I’m sticking with the decision to close down the blog for a while.  I’ll keep this post up for a couple of weeks so that those that care can know what happened. 

Something very big and very ugly is occurring in the realm of real life.  It hasn’t happened in the extreme measure it could, but I feel the monster pacing outside our door, waiting to destroy everything.  Considering the risks to my family, I’ve removed all posts and will keep this blog closed until the situation has cleared up and I know my family is safe again.

I’m sorry, and I hope to continue visiting your blogs.  This was unplanned and very much unhoped for, but it is necessary to my peace of mind.

If you wish to contact me, you can contact me at sadiecass(at)gmail(dot)com